Hard Times

Affirmations
I am filled with understanding and patience.
I know when to hang on and when to let go.
I am enough.

What are the hardest parts of being a mom for you?  What can you do to make each of them a little easier?

 -from "Moms to Moms: Parenting Wisdom from Moms in Recovery" by Barbara Joy

The hardest part about being a mom in recovery... *sigh*  So many things are tough.  The hardest part is when I need to fill that hole that alcohol and drugs have left behind, and I need to pray, and I have three little monsters all clamoring for my attention.  I know I need to put my sobriety first, but sometimes it is so difficult!  Prayer is what gets me through, my Higher Power, who I choose to call God, is unbelievably understanding, and I need to talk to Him often.  Unfortunately, instead of a heartfelt one-on-one like I would like to have, we often have hurried mini-coversations in between drink requests and breaking up fights over toys.  I know He understands.  After all, He is a Father also!  He knows how difficult it is to parent.  Regardless of how often or how little I get a chance to speak to Him, I know that He is always there with me, helping me, there for me to lean on, and it gives me solace.  To make it easier, I continue to grab time with Him where I can, and when the kids ask what I am doing, I tell them I am praying, I am talking to God.  This fascinated my oldest child at first.  "You can TALK to GOD?" she asked innocently.  Yikes.  I realized that I was not doing my job as a parent in teaching her how to forge her own connection with God.  So I may bumble and stumble a bit, but I explain that yes, I DO talk to God, and He helps me, and that SHE can talk to Him too, whenever she wants, about anything she desires.  It's a slow process, but we're doing it together.